im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
