i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
