we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
