The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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