Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
