Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
