if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
