nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize