remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
