11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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