Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
