I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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