i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
