I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
