I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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