She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize