i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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