my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize