So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
