i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
