You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
