I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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