You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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