my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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