wanna go halves on a baby?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize