i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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