he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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