I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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