she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
