he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
