glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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