Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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