I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
