genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize