I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
