Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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