end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
