this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Reggie can tackle my bush.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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