i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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