I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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