had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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