i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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