dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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