the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
