STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
