VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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