I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
