some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
