i love accidental penises.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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