that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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