and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
