So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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