I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Success! We fucked roommates!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
