Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
