I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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