He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
