i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
