I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
