Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
