So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
