Quick, to the slutcave!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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