things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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