I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
