Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
