I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
