For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
