oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
