My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
handjob tips. give me some.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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