am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
