Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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