is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
