one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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