??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
